Disclaimer: I was hesitant to write this post. I don’t like to stereotype, but I want to be both helpful and entertaining. Remember, some generalizing is unavoidable when talking about culture.
Dutch people are rude – or so many visitors believe.
As a Dutch local who guides international travelers for over 5 years, I understand where this comes from. But are Dutch people really rude, or are you experiencing something completely different that just feels rude?
In general, we’re a friendly, helpful bunch. But you need to know how to connect with us. We tend to be direct. Yes, that is true, I know I am. Keep reading to learn how to deal with that. My first tip: start by saying hello in Dutch.
⤷ You might also enjoy First Time to Amsterdam? 35 Mistakes to Avoid!
In this post, I’ll explain why we’re perceived this way, what we try to say, and how to make meaningful contact with locals. I believe we’re way more friendly than we get credit for.
Table of Contents
Why Dutch People Are Rude (According to Tourists)
The truth about whether Dutch people are rude is nuanced – it comes down to cultural differences in communication.
We tell you as it is. When you ask, “Hi, How are you?” we answer honestly. We’ll let you know precisely how we are.
Your first thought: this is too much information. Or if we’re not into conversation, we might say: “Not good.” Awkward. The best you can get is: “Fine.” Now that sounds uninterested.
If you ask a stranger for their opinion, they’ll usually give it to you. Filterless.
But is it true that Dutch people are rude? I’ll leave that to you. I don’t think so. It’s honest. You know where you stand without second-guessing.
Don’t ask us if we like something you’re wearing unless you want the honest answer. When we say we don’t like it, it’s not because we want to hurt you.
It’s either personal taste (and we’ll say so), or we’re helping you avoid a fashion disaster. We want you to shine wherever you go, not bring you down.
This level of directness takes time to get used to. Visiting our country can be challenging or a quick learning course if you have delicate feelings. I’m giving you fair warning.
The good news: as a tourist, you can easily avoid this by choosing your questions carefully.
And if we say something, you don’t have to guess what we mean.
A compliment is a compliment, and an invitation is an invitation. If we love your dress, we love it. If we invite you for dinner, we mean it.
Are Dutch People Cold?
I like American enthusiasm – it feels pleasant to enter a store there or meet new people. But for most of us, that feels fake.
We’re not used to that level of enthusiasm. Many of us wonder why you ask how they’re doing if you don’t care for the answer.
We prefer to give you personal space when you enter a store, and wait for you to approach us.
This is where cultural differences lead to misunderstanding. For a Dutchman, something might be friendly, while the same thing feels cold to you.
We usually don’t appreciate an enthusiastic “Hi, how are you today?” with a big smile. It would scare us. And we probably want to run if you’re going to hug us.
Starting with a little smile, a nod, and hello or good morning is enough. It means the same.
Making Contact With The Dutch Easier
Here are some tips to make contact with us easier:
Ask Dutch People When You Need Help
Against popular belief, we’re very willing to help you. Just ask if you need assistance. Instantly our faces will warm up 🌞, and we’ll happily help you on your way.
Especially when we notice you’re a visitor. Most people speak English very well. Language might be a barrier culturally, but not practically.
Be Direct With Us
Don’t expect us to share our life stories instantly. We’re much more reserved. But we do like contact. We have the word “gezellig” for a reason.
Once you’ve created a connection with us, we’ll often be very welcoming and inclusive.
“Gezellig” is untranslatable because no English word covers its complete meaning. It’s closest to cozy, but not exactly. It roughly means cozy, warm, and fun combined.
It’s often social, but a space can be gezellig too, but it cannot be gezellig when you’re alone. Obama used it when he visited our country.
We won’t mind you joining us and our friends for a drink in a cafe. Or inviting you to a party. Because that’s gezellig.
TIP: If you get an invitation, don’t say “Oh, that sounds interesting” or “I’ll think about it” when you don’t want to come. Just say you can’t attend.
We’ll interpret “I’ll think about it” as you’re likely attending and will plan accordingly.
Great Conversation Starters
The typical “Where are you from?” doesn’t work – our country is too small.
But weather is our favorite topic. We have so many words for it, just for rain alone. If you’re stuck for conversation with us, try the weather.
Followed by complaints about the Dutch Railways (although we have one of the best transit systems in the world, we love, I mean LOVE to complain about it).
The third topic is the weekend. Ask about someone’s weekend to get them started.
Travel Preparations
Before you visit, here are some things that’ll make your trip smoother:
Stay Connected: Consider getting an international eSIM for easy communication without hunting for WiFi. Airalo offers affordable Europe, or just Netherlands plans.
Inexpensive and Flexible SIM
Stay connected in the Netherlands
Skip hunting for WiFi. Get on the go navigation, translations and mobile internet that works everywhere in Europe – skip expensive international charges from your phone company.
My Phone Abroad Guide
Learn Basic Dutch: If you want bonus points, learn a few Dutch words with Babbel’s European language courses. Say “Hallo” instead of Hello. “Dank u” for thank you. “Tot ziens” for goodbye. Watch our faces light up when you try!
Money Matters: Use Wise for international transfers – it’s what I recommend to all my clients for the best exchange rates.
Low-Cost Travel Debit Card
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My go-to travel hack: the WISE debit card. I use it for all my overseas trips—it gives you the real exchange rate and saves serious money.
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Travel Insurance: Don’t forget comprehensive travel coverage – better safe than sorry when you’re exploring a new country.
Essential Things To Know
Dutch vs German vs Danish – We’re Different!
The quickest way to distance yourself from us is saying: “Oh, you speak German, right?” or “I speak some German.” Or telling us we’re Danish.
We speak Dutch. The country is called The Netherlands – and we’re separate from Denmark and Germany. Germany occupied us during WWII.
Amsterdam Is Not A Country
Many people think Amsterdam is a country. It’s not. It’s a city inside The Netherlands – our capital city.
Body Contact Rules
Do not hug. Be more British than American with physical contact.
Kissing protocol: It’s one or three kisses on the cheek, never two. Left, Right, Left. Follow our lead if you’re unsure, because if you stop at two, and we go for the third, it can become really awkward, really fast.
Kisses are exchanged between women and between men and women when you see somebody for at least the second time.
On first meetings, always shake hands. Men usually shake hands among each other, but a hug becomes a bit more common now too.
Coffee Shops vs Cafes
A “coffee shop” isn’t for coffee – it’s where they legally sell soft drugs. You’ll smell it from outside.
For actual coffee, look for a “coffee bar,” “cafe,” or “restaurant.”
Be Afraid of Bikes
I’m not kidding. Bikes are EVERYWHERE. Stay off bike lines (pink/red lanes), and never trust that a cyclist will stop for you.
Most Amsterdam cyclists think red traffic lights are just for cars. They’re masters at carrying cargo, kids, and other people while racing.
Always look twice before crossing any street. And then do it again for good measure.
Restaurant Service Is Supposed To Be Slow
Service in Dutch restaurants is deliberately slow. We go out for dinner for a night out, not for a quick meal because we didn’t want to cook.
So time is left in between courses to give room for conversation, and enjoying your company. If you want fast service, make sure to ask upfront.
How To Tip
PS: Wondering how much to tip in Amsterdam and the rest of the Netherlands? Find out in my post, Tipping in Amsterdam.
Common Myths About The Dutch
“Going Dutch” (Splitting Bills) Isn’t Dutch
Often the host likes to pay for everyone. The custom is: if we pay this time, you pay next time. If you’ve traveled far to visit your Dutch friend, we’ll likely want to pay for your meal as appreciation.
Wooden Shoes Aren’t Daily Footwear
Our primary footwear choice is sneakers, just like your country. Wooden shoes are mostly available in tourist places only.
We’re Not As Liberal As You Think
We’re liberal in many ways but not as progressive as expected. Being modest is still a virtue here.
Public opinion about drugs isn’t as liberal as expected. If you tell your new Dutch friend you smoked in Amsterdam, we’ll give you a gentle smile and try to back away.
Planning Your Netherlands Trip
Ready to visit? Browse activities and attractions in Amsterdam to start planning your itinerary.
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Frequently Asked Questions About The Dutch Being Rude
Are Dutch people really rude?
No, we’re direct. What feels rude to you is honest communication to us. When you ask how we are, we tell you the truth instead of automatically saying “fine.” It depends on what you’re used to – some find it refreshing, others think it’s too much.
Why do some people perceive Dutch people as rude?
We value honesty over polite small talk. I’m Dutch with many international friends, and this still causes misunderstandings. I was raised believing mistakes help you learn, so pointing them out is helpful. It’s never my intention to be rude, but I understand why it might feel that way.
How does Dutch culture influence their communication style?
We learn straightforward, efficient communication from childhood. No dancing around topics. This creates a direct style that can sound blunt if you’re not familiar with it.
What is considered polite or rude in Dutch culture?
Polite: Being direct and honest. Being modest (don’t brag). Knowing we’re not German or Danish. Declining invitations clearly if you can’t attend. Rude: Asking “How are you?” without meaning it (that’s why shop workers just say hello). Saying “I’ll think about it” when you mean no. Confusing us with other countries.
What are other common misconceptions about Dutch people?
That we wear wooden shoes daily and live in windmills. I live in a regular house on a normal street, like most Dutch people. I’ve never worn clogs. Also, “going Dutch” (splitting bills) isn’t actually Dutch – we often prefer taking turns paying.
How does the Dutch directness compare with other cultures?
Compared to cultures that value indirect communication or “saving face,” we can seem blunt. We might see indirect cultures as insincere. In cultures that already value directness, our style feels refreshingly honest.
How can I adapt to Dutch directness?
Expect it, so it won’t surprise you. See it as honesty rather than rudeness. Don’t take direct comments personally. Remember that being indirect might seem polite to you but can feel insincere to us. Stay open to our cultural differences.
Bottom Line
So are Dutch people actually rude? We’re direct, yes. Rude? I don’t think so. The truth about whether Dutch people are rude is nuanced. We’re honest, helpful, and once you understand our way of communicating, you’ll find we’re quite welcoming.
The key is understanding our culture. Don’t take directness personally – see it as refreshing honesty. Ask for help when you need it. Try a few Dutch words. Respect our customs around personal space.
Most importantly, enjoy this beautiful country and its people. That’s what travel is about – learning about others and realizing we have more in common than we are different.
Have fun, or as we say: Veel plezier!
I wouldn’t say Dutch people are rude in general. In my experience, when we are direct to Dutch people, they tend to get offended and defensive.
Also, I wouldn’t say arrogant but a bit stubborn.
What I see, in a more negative way, it’s that some Dutch people rather ghosting a foreigner colleague for 1 hour in a car than try to get to know them. It has happened in many occasions. That’s not direct, nor rude, that’s just being impolite or having a very poor education…
On the other hand, on a daily basis, most of Dutch people would greet you on the streets and wish you a good day even when they don’t personally know you. I find Dutch society very friendly in that way.
Thank you for your insights and sharing your experience living here Maria! Being direct is a very delicate thing, especially as a non-native. And I agree people get defensive so quickly nowadays, also here. I like the greeting of strangers when I go biking or for a walk. I never get used to it when people don’t do it. Funny how culture shapes us.